This is the first month I’ve not done any writing. Genuinely. Not a little snippet of anything, nor a scene from a potential work in progress. Nothing.
Every time I try to write, I think back to pre-Covid and miss it so badly. Guess Covid finally caught up to me, and now my writing is paying the price. But it’s been good to take a step back and consider relearning how to write again. Find that passion, that spark, that desire to jot down words and craft a story already formed in my head. Create characters who I fall in love with and get excited to write their story.
For now, I’m reading books, focusing on my degree and hoping for a better future.
It took me almost the whole month to read The Mask Of Mirrors by M. A. Carrick, but h o l y s h i t. I’ll be recommending this book to anyone who’ll listen for at least the next year. As my first book into the fantasy genre again (outside of the cult classics), this book captivated me from the beginning and kept me invested until the end. Impeccable world building, morally ambiguous characters and constant plot twists/mysteries, I fell in love with this book and cannot wait for the next two books to come out.
In the UK, it’s LGBTQ+ History Month as well as Valentine’s Day, so I thought I should read at least one book that has LGBTQ+ representation. Loveless by Alice Oseman was perfect. As a demisexual, I doubt I’ll ever see representation in the media, but seeing such a wonderful, accurate representation of asexuality was close enough. Plus, I could relate to the self discovery journey and feeling the hesitation/frustration of explaining your sexuality all the time.
This is a sensitive section. If you do not want to read about loss, please skip the next paragraph.
I attended my grandad’s burial at the beginning of the month. It was exactly what I needed to get closure and allow the grief to slowly ebb away. Being surrounded by family members who shared in the grief and who had nice and funny memories of grandad helped so much more than I thought it would, and it was great to see how loved he was. We’re gonna have a memorial service for him in a few months time, and by that point, it’ll be easier to do. To share stories of him and appreciate the man he was.
I thought I might actually get somewhere with my dental work, but it’s been put on an indefinite pause because the dentist I was referred to advised me to go to an osteopath. Admittedly, I kept putting off my osteopath appointment, and perhaps for good reason. I went in for a specific reason, and ended up leaving with a physical problem I didn’t even know I had! At this point, this dental work will haunt me until the end of the year, which isn’t ideal since I wanna get it done before I start work properly. Guess we’ll have to see what happens.
So far, university has been pretty chilled out, but now all my deadlines are sneaking up on me with no preamble whatsoever. When did this happen?! It’s almost like I’m trying to juggle everything, except I can’t juggle and it ends up hurting me. I doubt running away from my deadlines can work for much longer, so I’m just gonna have to face them. Thank god for Covid extension! Seriously gonna need it.
One of the main procrastination techniques I’ve been using has been becoming addicted to a colouring in app. My mum discovered it, and I swore I wouldn’t get addicted, but it did actually become a problem at one point. It was all I was doing instead of actually doing university work or going outside. But I’ve managed to stop myself and keep it to one or two per day, just so I stop straining my neck and procrastinating. But here are a few I’ve done:
I usually never really notice Valentine’s Day anymore, deciding to treat it like any other day, but then mum reminded me I might be forever alone, so… didn’t exactly go to plan this year. At least we video chatted my brother, who was the perfect distraction from my temporary misery. Thankfully, two days later was Pancake Day, which felt almost like a reward for getting through Valentine’s Day, and life in general lately. I had pancakes for lunch and after dinner 😋 Yum!
Talking of food, mum baked a delicious cake 😋 She baked this chocolate cake for my birthday and I’ve been obsessed with it ever since, but I’ve refrained from asking for it. But we both agreed life has been tough lately and sometimes you just need a delicious home baked cake. Even days later, the smell still lingers, the sponge is still soft and the buttercream is still sweet. I would actually eat this cake for the rest of my life if I could. Thank god for my mum’s baking skills.
Since the weather is now getting nicer, me and mum have been venturing outside. Plus, after going to the osteopath, I’m feeling motivated more than ever to go back to a daily walk. We went to a local park nearby, which I ventured into alone back in like September and fell in love with, and we walked over to where you could see into Hampton Court’s gardens. Yesterday, we went to Kew Gardens, which is honestly one of my favourite places to go to, then went for a little walk around Kew itself. Today, we wandered over to a local garden we discovered during lockdown in a church and just appreciated the seasonably warm weather. Honestly, the weather has been glorious lately that I feel like I’m in April, not the end of February. I can’t wait for the weather to be like this for another month or two (before it becomes unbearably warm and I’ll stay inside all day, hiding from the sun/heat).
Overall, this month has been very up and down, but with a roadmap out of lockdown and the weather brightening up, the future might just get better from here. I’ll continue to take it one day at a time and see where I’ll end up because if this past year, even the past two months, have been any indicator, life can change in the blink of an eye.